there are songs

songs lately have sent me farther into my thoughts than I am used to. Yesterday on the way to and from Starbuck's I was in one of my throw any disk in and listen kind of moods. Super chick's first album is what I chose. (what? yes, I know weird choice)
"we're not done yet, not going quietly into the night not me and my friends. Don't take it too seriously it's just life, we'll win in the end." It's a song about reaching your potential. There's words throughout this CD that talk to the mystery of becoming the person God intended you to be. Oh,,,my long lost search is over. such sarcasm from someone who says she hates it. (need to look at this topic sometime soon) no, it's like they drove a stake into the heart. yes. I want to reach my potential. I'm not done yet. I'm not one for ever going quietly...
next song...next album...
"Counting Crows" Oh the laments of Adam and his adorable voice. There are 4 men I could listen to for ever. Adam, Juan Fernando Ortega, Chris Rice and shit...how can you forget the 4th? brain total fart.
So Adam is singing to me about 4 white stallions and love and faith and sex and God in the belly of a black winged bird and I am trying to figure out why it is that I have now become a smoker. It's been 5 months friends. I am offically a smoker. could I give it up tomorrow? I could. Will I? And why would I? Only to save myself from multiplying my odds of getting cancer by 10 to the 10th power? Yes. that's one reason. Another...I smoke to breathe an ounce of freedom from thought. It's like I breathe in and when I exhale some of the plauging over resounding ingenious snyapses are gone. No sooner have I breathed them out am I able to clear a moment on the dance floor of my mind and consider the shadows. Have you ever took time to sit and watch shadows and light instead of the dancer? These are the things I'm considering these days.
next song...next album...
Nicole Nordman...the red one...
this album gets me teary eyed everytime. I took a nap, and worked 4 hours in between Adam and this one. I think during the nap i played yes...rich mullins and just closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.
so back to Nic. I was moved to a Holy space where I didn't think, I just considered God. I heard Come...from the depths of humanity. "Come...from the bredth of depravity..." or something like that and I was smitten with the God who loves everyone. Not smitten like a little girl. Overwhelmed that there is a God who wants everyone to come to him. To know who they are, what they are, their being, their worth, their soul, their everything to be filled with Him. And how I don't think so often that I can sit at the feast and eat. And then to hear the season song. "as you are recreating me,,,summer, autumn, winter, spring." I am a serious creation path way girl. it gets to me mroe than any other thing ever. And I am struck with awe and wonder and gratitude. I'm being constantly re-created. Molded. Strecthed. Refined. All those metaphores don't even come close to speaking about what's going on inside of my mind and heart. that's what I am trying to type about. Change.
SO, at the end of my thought/song escapade I am left with this..."I can't stand without you God." "I need a phonecall. I need a raincoat."(It's been really rainy around Chitown lately) and..."COME'

Related Tangent: I want to write a song. It's going to be called "8 steps." See, cause that's all it took to bring about a change in him. The difference between everything and nothing. Wow. 8 steps. I must write more on this another time. (note for journaling purposes) Riddle me this: what can 8 steps, 4 Guiness and 2 people make at 3:00 am?

Answer will be posted next time around....for now...please be mindful of the songs you listen to and allow yourself to go to the thoughts that sometimes seem invading. They may just be the freedom you need.