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bottomofthings[1] (2)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

pride

PROUD of my broken heart since thou didst break it,


Proud of the pain I did not feel till thee,

Proud of my night since thou with moons dost slake it,

Not to partake thy passion, my humility.

Emily Dickenson

Friday, October 28, 2011

being oneself

attempts to walk, struggle through the leaves, the muck, getting through the fall. the changes. the changing of my mind. pushing past the desire to please. to make you love me. all of you.

longing for peace in the midst. how to be, me. just me. honoring my soul. honoring my quest. my journey. my heart. my soul.

you say there's a lot of my's in there. you say the struggle isn't about that. you say so many things you confuse me.
you the voice that shouts and whispers and hides behind pretty words. you the voice that condemns and confuses.

His heart. His desire. His word. His work. What is He doing?

can we be completley authentic to who we really are and who we are trying to become all at the same time and still be loved? is it possible to let people down and still stand in the truth of our own reality?

the words of one who is wise says, yes.

the walk is about falling AND getting up.
the run is about tripping AND healing.
the climb is about mountain tops AND valleys.
mistakes are expected and accepted.

however many times you get it wrong to get it right is ok. Is this shoving grace in your pocket? I think not. I think it's learning. discovering.

Friday, August 05, 2011

the bottom of things

Buster and I were discussing grace and grief and feelings and thoughts today on IM and we were both thinking about what we might call our books we write one day. His...
"something along these lines"
mine...
"the bottom of things"
See, that's really what it all comes down to. What's at the bottom of things.
what's really at the bottom is God.
His truth.
his word.
His love.

I want to know you. I want to see your face. I want to know you more.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

So tonight, my mom was going to drop off a car at the train station for me to drive home. When I arrived, I went and found the car, but could not find any keys to go with said car. So, I needed to use a pay phone, seeing as how my cell is off for the time being.  None were to be found. A kind man offered his cell phone for me to use as long as I "didn't call any hookers." I laughed and went to dial, but as I did, I looked at the picture on his phone. It was him shooting an AR-15 and I was so impressed that I knew by sight what gun it was. Inquiring with him whether or not I was correct, I got super excited. Ah, the wonders of having dated a weapons specialist for years! Who ever would have thunk it!?  Not this girl in a million years. I miss that gun. I miss that guy.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

the why's

Reasons I miss them.

Because...

you took me to see girly movies
you wouldn't see them with me but you would pay for me to go
the clothes you wore made me smile
the colors you wore made you disappear
you saw me, and asked for more
you heard me and let me be
screaming was music to you
music made you smile
of the laughter we shared
together we were hilarious
when we talked, I created
our touch was precious
your smell put me at ease
food and smells spurred on conversation
of a convertible and an 8 year wish came true
a big blue truck forever = you
guns have more meaning
my voice changed
montana holds memories
nature means more
i felt treasured and accepted
understood and liked

although you are polar opposites, you share one thing in common...
you are both gone.

Friday, April 29, 2011

you and you and you and you

Rich deep dirt darker than coffee grounds cover the bones with that scent that reminds you who's in charge. Taking possession of a different kind your timid demure kindness that extinguishes rage comes forth. you'd have done everything and anything not to have hurt me. the blessing amongst the thorns


Wells that seemed to endless were in all actuality short wells. wells that ran dry quickly when the rain stops. when the draught begins. when he walks down the dusty road towards San Antonio. lost in the tumbleweed, is his heart, his soul, his dreams. I cannot be the target for your aim any longer.



Step up to the plate, be a man. recognize your greatness and you won't even hear the other shoe being thrown at your head or dropping. your focus is off base beloved. turn turn turn back around and live.




wake up and smile for there is a happy day approaching. when life will cease to exist the way you've always thought it had to and you wake up. Sunny side up, it's breakfast time.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A litany of rememberance: my Mentee H

My tribute eulogy remembrance speech for Heather Lynn Parman. 1/18/2011

Good evening everyone!
My name is Kristen Driscoll but most of you know, Heather always gave people nicknames so you might know me as Kristen Ment or Mentor or just Ment. You see, I had the honor and privilege of being Heather's mentor. I met Heather 13 years ago when I was leading a team in Student Impact here @ willow creek. She was a freshman and the little sister of one of my students and now dear friend Jill. However, I didn't get the chance to really know her until her senior year.

At this point in Heather's life she was very different from the woman we all know today. She had this wonderful apathy
and anger
towards God, church, people and life in general. During that year, through asking her to use her gifts in art, God began to break through her wall of frustrations and our team was blessed by her amazing talents both visually as well as her humor in doing games and dramas during team room. For she and I though, this was only the beginning.

One of my favorite memories is the day I became her "mentor." I had stopped by to see Jill and her mom Lori said to me, "Thanks so much for being Heather's mentor." I really didn't know how to respond because Heather and I had only hung out one or twice and never established that relationship. However, that's a really special part about h,
she
chooses 
you.

Literally, she decided I was "her" mentor and that's the way it's been ever since.

Mentoring Heather was a GIFT and a BLESSING. She and I met together once or twice a week  for about 3 years and wrestled through what it meant to love Jesus. One meeting, she introduced me to the legend that is, "Algonquin Sub Shop" as she sought advice on whether or not to go to YWAM NY.
I LOVE that memory and how it played out in her life.

My favorite part about mentoring Heather was her eagerness to learn and be changed by God. Her thirst for knowledge was inviting.  I liked to refer to her as my little sponge sometimes. Days, weeks, and even years later she has shared with me things she remembered from our times together and has passed it on to others in her small groups. She would call me up and say, you have a new grand baby mentee, Ment. That's what she called them. That's the legacy I feel blessed to have been a part of...a mentoring circle that has reached all over this world.

I loved watching Heather seek to understand as the theme today says, how to love people best.  One summer we studied  "the five love languages", and made it our goal to try and figure everyones out. Go figure...She picked that one up like a champ! I specifically remember her talking about the deep love for her aunts and grandmother, her Starbucks co-workers and customers, Kristen Gac and her heart for special needs kids.

I also worked with her at the Algonquin Starbucks and was able to observe her uncanny ability to remember peoples drinks.  For some this may not seem like an important piece, but Heather knew it would make people feel special, remembered and spreading joy as she did to us all.
Hi Carmel machiatto with a double shot.

While mentoring Heather, I was both teacher and student. For as much as I poured in,
she gave back and often times
so
much
more.
She taught me to laugh at myself and about deep deep faith.

Thank you my Ment for granting me the unique vantage point of watching God's love transform a frustrated and angry girl into one of the most
passionate
and loving
women I've ever met.
I love you!