I was reminded today that I have some pretty interesting relationships. One I'd like to share with you today is my friend Brandon.
Brandon Alan Makovy and I met back in 1999. I took a long weekend trip to Texas to visit some friends I had met while at college in Flagstaff, AZ. We drove 15 hours across Arizona, New Mexico and half of Texas to find ourselves in College Station, home of the Aggies, Texas A&M. Over that weekend we attended a retreat with our friends and this is where I met Brandon. He was my discussion group leader. He also helped lead worship that weekend. And then for the talent show, he made songs up about people and entertained us all. That night, as I sat back watching him, he began to grow on me and thus began my crush stage. So, sometime after that we started exchanging e-mails (he still has all of them saved somewhere on his computers, pack rat, saves everything!) and our friendship flourished. He was one of the first people I remember in my life telling me I was funny. Our e-mails went back and forth for years. Now mind you, I had only spent maybe 7 hours all together with this guy before this. We continued e-mailing until one summer a guy from Crystal Lake went to work at the same summer camp as Brandon and it came to be known that crystal Lake was right next to cary, the town this girl I know but have not seen in years lives.
Meeting #2... BAM, doesn't fly.
So this crazy man takes off for spring break and drives all the way up to Illinois to see me, Patrick and another friend that lives up in Milawuakee, Wisconsin. Having not ever hung out before we spent a lot of time getting to know each other face to face. We toured downtown, did a drive by of the United Center, Nike Town, and nothing else exciting cause I was a bad hostess and hadn't a clue where to go! Thank God he is super laid back and wonderful. I took him to church, introduced him to that insanity and watched him do what he does so well...mingle! Brandon is WOO. He is funny and sensitive and an entertainer so he fit in very well with my friends. Mom loved him and got his # right away. "He really likes to talk!" And he does. E-mail and phone calls and IM became our life lines to one another. There were nights I remember talking into the wee hours of the morning only to get up that very next day and chat all day! Brandon was still in college, finishing his degree when we lost touch for awhile. Life got super busy and somewhere in that time period he graduated, got his teaching certificate and moved to Dallas. This is when we again began chatting more often. Last summer, we tried to meet up more than once. We always talk about trying to. But finally, he came to visit me again! He showed up late one night by the way of Nashville. He had spent his summer there playing his music for local bar groupies trying to land a record deal or get a song or two sung by someone famous. I know one day I will hear his lyrics or voice on the local country station! He is so stinking talented, but that market is a hard one. The endurance my friend has though, is astonishing. How do you make your dreams fly when you are constantly being beaten down?
STATS:
6'5"
225 ish, all muscle girls
Blond
Blue
Singer
Writer of music, poetry, halarious commentary
Guitar player
Worship Leader
Teacher
Coach
Pitcher
Comedian
Artist
Thursday, February 22, 2024
back then.
I just got off the phone with my ment.
things sure are different and yet the same.
as they were back when.
back when.
back when.
back when.
I often want to live in back when.
before choices I made and people I hurt were damaged.
She is sunshine in the spring to me...
Valerie Jean English Vinson.
The story began years and years ago beside a palm tree. Girls telling each other their stories. Tears fell as did the rain. Then a day or so later in a church courtyard she told the truth that started at a level 10 on a scale of 1-10. And as we lay in our bunkbeds under misquito netting, laughter and a hard days work washed over us. A beginning of a friendship that claimed my heart. 17 and foolish we were. Full of such innocence.
Returning home, we began spending every waking minute of every day with each other. Involved in ministry, and life. It was what we knew. Daily trips to Palatine to pick her up, she would releave my stress by making me laugh and by hopping in the back seat of GRBOOG. "The green booger," as my brother had named it was my 1970's Jeep Jeepster Commando. How we actually made it all the way to Wisconsin one night, I will never know. But, that's what it was about. That first summer and fall. Making memories.
And then, came the year of intensity. Divorce. Fire Starters. Toronto. We both basically lived out of my car. We shared my bedroom between Jen and her and I. Interning. More driving. TGIF. More Fridays. Throwing away CD's because, well it was the thing we thought we should do. Summer camp when I went away. So much bonding, so little time. And there was major confusion. And utter silliness. And pain that was healed. And pain that was birthed. And a deep trust that continued to grow.
We were growing up side by side.
A Nannying postion. Dan and Nancy. Winnetka. Justin. Tea. Cards. HUB. Troy. Your folks moving. Invisible moose's standing on the side of Route 14. Under age trips to Wisconsin. Elmo and Elmo the car. She got her Drivers' License. TRIBE. And then she had to go and fall in love. My dearest Valerie had to go and move to Rockford. And so I moved to Arizona and Omaha and then back. And then, she went and got married on me. VJE became VJV.
A second baby boy, but taken to heaven before we could meet. A loss that could break anyone gave me insight into just who is the Lord of Val's life. Turning to Jesus for her strength, I watched in awe. that asked more of me than I gave. And she taught me about forgiveness and how to be there for someone.
It would be nice to be thought of.
called
e-mailed
im'd
considered
cared for
once in awhile
it is beyond me how someone can say words like
"I'm going to marry that girl someday."
And be such a fucking dooch bag.
Or someone who says...
"i love you"
but can stand to not speak to you for days and days and weeks on end.
I want to be
cared for
thought of
sought after
I want to be
the peanut butter to your jelly
the chocolate to your peanut butter
the milk to your cereal
the butter to your popcorn
the apple of your eye
the ranch to your everything
but I am not.
and you don't deserve to be mine.
I give so much of my heart away without trust
and have such huge trust issues.
Val said give you my heart to protect.
Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
How do I just walk away from them?
I pray you would help me see the important things and walk away from that which is distracting from being used in your kingdom.
I am getting scared for what's next already God. I don't know what to do. My thoughts keep coming back to where can I go to find a husband. I wish I could stop thinking about this topic. It's like a lingering poison. I just want to be joyful for my daily bread. I'm tired God. I'm tired of wanting for so much love and trying SO hard to obtain it.
i feel extra emotional because of my what I'm thinking is preperation for my uterus to dump an egg. I am sorry I speak with such disdain in my words, but I am mad that if I can't have children, why do I have to have a period. I am not speaking this into being God...I'm just scared. Scared that I won't have children. That I'm getting older and won't be able to. I have all of these feelings like it's punishment. That I'm ruined. Because of my choices. My eyes are really out of whack right now. My placement, my anger, my shame it's all pointed at me. Please take my eyes off of myself. I'm feeling utterly discouraged. Beat up. Bruised. Broken down. NOT broken.
called
e-mailed
im'd
considered
cared for
once in awhile
it is beyond me how someone can say words like
"I'm going to marry that girl someday."
And be such a fucking dooch bag.
Or someone who says...
"i love you"
but can stand to not speak to you for days and days and weeks on end.
I want to be
cared for
thought of
sought after
I want to be
the peanut butter to your jelly
the chocolate to your peanut butter
the milk to your cereal
the butter to your popcorn
the apple of your eye
the ranch to your everything
but I am not.
and you don't deserve to be mine.
I give so much of my heart away without trust
and have such huge trust issues.
Val said give you my heart to protect.
Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
How do I just walk away from them?
I pray you would help me see the important things and walk away from that which is distracting from being used in your kingdom.
I am getting scared for what's next already God. I don't know what to do. My thoughts keep coming back to where can I go to find a husband. I wish I could stop thinking about this topic. It's like a lingering poison. I just want to be joyful for my daily bread. I'm tired God. I'm tired of wanting for so much love and trying SO hard to obtain it.
i feel extra emotional because of my what I'm thinking is preperation for my uterus to dump an egg. I am sorry I speak with such disdain in my words, but I am mad that if I can't have children, why do I have to have a period. I am not speaking this into being God...I'm just scared. Scared that I won't have children. That I'm getting older and won't be able to. I have all of these feelings like it's punishment. That I'm ruined. Because of my choices. My eyes are really out of whack right now. My placement, my anger, my shame it's all pointed at me. Please take my eyes off of myself. I'm feeling utterly discouraged. Beat up. Bruised. Broken down. NOT broken.
purging
I asked for a piece of bread and you gave me flour and water and yeast. You gave me the tools, the trade, the technique, and I am creating.
the idea of love lately has been plaguing me. I have always said it's not a feeling, but there are feelings attached to it. when I am completley clear (is that possible) I understand that truth of what I have explained love as my whole life.
To be defined...not greater love hath this, that he lay his life down for his friends.
To be defined...not greater love hath this, that he lay his life down for his friends.
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