It would be nice to be thought of.
called
e-mailed
im'd
considered
cared for
once in awhile

it is beyond me how someone can say words like

"I'm going to marry that girl someday."
And be such a fucking dooch bag.

Or someone who says...
"i love you"
but can stand to not speak to you for days and days and weeks on end.

I want to be
cared for
thought of
sought after
I want to be
the peanut butter to your jelly
the chocolate to your peanut butter
the milk to your cereal
the butter to your popcorn
the apple of your eye
the ranch to your everything

but I am not.
and you don't deserve to be mine.
I give so much of my heart away without trust
and have such huge trust issues.

Val said give you my heart to protect.
Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.
How do I just walk away from them?
I pray you would help me see the important things and walk away from that which is distracting from being used in your kingdom.
I am getting scared for what's next already God. I don't know what to do. My thoughts keep coming back to where can I go to find a husband. I wish I could stop thinking about this topic. It's like a lingering poison. I just want to be joyful for my daily bread. I'm tired God. I'm tired of wanting for so much love and trying SO hard to obtain it.
i feel extra emotional because of my what I'm thinking is preperation for my uterus to dump an egg. I am sorry I speak with such disdain in my words, but I am mad that if I can't have children, why do I have to have a period. I am not speaking this into being God...I'm just scared. Scared that I won't have children. That I'm getting older and won't be able to. I have all of these feelings like it's punishment. That I'm ruined. Because of my choices. My eyes are really out of whack right now. My placement, my anger, my shame it's all pointed at me. Please take my eyes off of myself. I'm feeling utterly discouraged. Beat up. Bruised. Broken down. NOT broken.