What a great night

Last night I was blown off, but it gave me time to do things that really spoke to my soul. So, I guess I'm thankful. I have begun to read about and try to learn watercolor painting. Teaching yourself is fun, but I can tell that it might be great for me to take a class. So, I sat in front of the TV and watched one of my most favorite shows ever. Extreme Makeover makes me cry so hard. It's such a beautifully giving and compassionate show. I love watching it. And then as I watched Desperate HouseWives, I talked with my roommate Jen and painted some more. I believe there is talent in me that's been hidden since I was litte, when I would just paint. Not worrying about whether or not it looked just right.
My 5th grade art teacher Mr. Shaw was amazing! He taught us things that people cannot do or teach in college. I'm serious. I am glad to be diving back into art and expression. Poetry, creative writing, all of this. And for some reason, last Thursday I thought, I think I would love to be a forensic scientist. Seriously! There is only one main problem...I really have never enjoied a science class that I've taken. But, shows like CSI and forensic doctor shows can keep me captivated forever. I just think that says something. so, yeah...I'm looking into schools as soon as I am done writing this. I have many thoughts on school and why and where and what not. I have this desire to go where no one knows me and I don't understand this desire. I have a desire to live on my own. All alone. I mean do not mis read what I am saying...I love my roommates more than anything. Living with them gives me peace. I get any space I need, and there's health, wonderful companionship, amazingly deep conversations, safety and truth. There is also something to be said for once in your life living alone, don't you think? I mean for my growth as a person. I guess this could be argued both ways. And I see the pro's and con's to both. But, what could be underneath the desire to live alone. And desire is neither good nor bad, just misdirected. This will be a journaling process...later. Maybe tomorrow's post? huh? I do desire to go to school. To learn more. I love learning...and I love learning in the classroom. Where you get to argue and learn from others in your room. I want to think deeply again, and challenge my beliefs and engage others in deep discussions. I think there's this place in my mind...like a midrash with myself that I want to share with the world. Jen and I spoke about this more last night during Boston Legal. I love this show. William Shattner is such an ass and so wonderful all at the same time. And the other lawyer like him, oh he's so great. And so cynical. And so harsh. I am drawn to real harshness these days. What that's all about I am not sure.
Jen and I are both trying to decide about Colorado. Longing for that type of community where you are on a journey and the others you are with are pursuing it just as strongly as you are. Conversations taking place on levels that are higher than you are used to. Where you have to pay attention and where you probably might not have anything to really say because you are just beginning to understand what the heck they are talking about. Deeper dives into the whys. Deeper dives into our hearts and souls. Asking the questions of one another that no one ever asks unless there is trust. The funny part is that after our conversation I thought, everyone is on this journey of self-discovery. And yet, the question is asked to me, "Are you in a place that contributes to your journey and with people who are pursuing love and Christ with all they can?" ANd this question is still plauging my thoughts. It's why I am not as Michelle puts it, "100% sure" of my move. I am looking forward to the small group that is coming up soon. I believe that it will stir my soul like I desire. What are you desiring these days? Are you getting what you want? Last night was a beautiful taste of some of the things I am desiring. I'll take some pics of my first watercolor attempt and share them soon. Here's to the courage to go there and for the time and space and people who help along the way!!! You know who you are...and I love you.