a spark

The other day my great friend Kate was writing some advice to younger women and there she said..."Love will find you... don't waste your time longing for love, or sharing yourself with any semblance of love because you think you'll never find better. Love will find you when the time is right. Take the time while you are young to dive into all that you can to find out who you are who want to be. I can not say it enough Love will find you when the time is right. We waste so much of ourselves giving to boys who don't know how to love us for the amazing women we are. Just chill. It will all work out."


Ok, so you are probably asking how in the heck Santa and this quote have anything to do with one another. Well, you see I relate a memory of Santa to love.

As a child, I remember sitting at my grandmother’s home thinking very hard and long about how in the world Santa was going to know where I was that next day. Was he able to deliver the presents still or was he going to pass me up? Was Santa going to find me all the way in Texas when I normally reside in Colorado? It’s like this…

T’was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
John Doe he was yelling
And so was his spouse.

“What do we say to make him believe?
Little Johnny, that is,
Will give us no repreave.”

“Santa won’t find me!”
he said with a fright.
“It’s all your falut Grandma,”
and slammed the door tight.

The fear of a child is very real. The fear that the very thing every child looks forward to will not happen. Christmas morning…Or maybe Christmas Eve, if you are one of those kinds of families!! But, none the less, it’s real. And I remember how I handeled it. I was sure that if I took control, and wrote Santa a note, that he would look up Grandma’s house up on a map and come visit me. I was sure that if I asked my mom ten times every other minute, she would finally assure me that Santa would make it. I was certain that maybe I could do something more. And that certainty as a child was frightening because I had no control. I had no ability to MAKE Santa show up. And as an adult reading the above quote I find myself right back there.
Will it really find me? Will love make it’s way from the abyss it comes from and go great lengths to find me? I have no ability to MAKE love show up.
It’s funny but I think it has so much to do with perspective.
Answering the questions…
Parents are so often afraid of being honest with their kids. They don’t want to ruin their imagination so Santa keeps on coming. With knowledge comes responsibility. To what? Not tell the younger kids? Play the Santa game. I know a family that never played the Santa game. And I have to ask myself if their kids really missed out on anything? Reality vs. fiction.
It starts with the simpler questions… “will Santa find us at Grandma’s house mom?”
It graduates into the harder ones… “Is Santa real?”
So now let’s take love.
Will love find me? – hard or easy question
Will love make it’s way from the abyss it comes from and go great lengths to find me?
These two questions have deeper questions that go along side or behind them…
What is love? And where does it come from?
Here’s one more.
What am I really so afraid of?
LOVE NOT FINDING ME was the first thought.
The funny thing is, is that I don’t have the slightest clue what that means. What Love I am looking for to find me?
Because there is a deep deep desire or abyss that longs for love. To know I am found. In something. In someone. In love.
And when I begin looking this deep I realize that I feel the need to write a letter, or play an instrumental role in my finding anything. I need to control the outcome so that I get what I want. To not play vicitm to my fear, but when I sit and realize that my fear is exactly what’s driving my need I stop.
You can’t make love find you any better than you can as a child make Santa show up Christmas day. It’s about hope and desire. It’s about trust and believing.
LOVE WILL FIND YOU.
It already has.
I am loved.
I am found.
And



















Santa will come in the morning.
I promise.