yesterday,

*was the first day of spring and you could see it in the sky.
purples, pinks, really cool shades of yellow.
I can feel it in my skin.
warmer breezes, sunnier mornings.

*I fell right back into an old pattern
hated the feelings.
mis-directed desire led my safely home, thank the Lord

*left me aching.
Longing for hope and it wasn't to be found.
On the phone.
On the computer.
In my heart.
For release from this cycle.
Dropping them left and right.
The plates, the balls, the acrobat routine I keep up.

*The flames met in the middle from my dxylexia
my tendency to burn at both ends.
so flesh and marrow, bone and insides are blackened.
aching. Sorrow filled from decisions that didn't make sense.

Anger is coming next. and possibly it's a good thing.
perhaps it will draw me out of this funk of shame.