two big things on my mind

have to get them out. Don't want to talk too long on one topic. But I have to otherwise this verbal processor will split in two. So here goes...
the injustice of divorce is so ugly I don't even want to look at it. It makes me angry and it makes me want to punch something for hours and hours. It makes me want to break something meaningful to just distribute some of the weight I am feeling. I am mad too because it makes me not believe. Are there people out there that don't cheat? That choose love? There is only one hope and that rests in the swirling, twirling scary mess that is the trinitarian love. Choice=love. Always. God is...
The other is song. My spirit has these words inside of it and as I sit and listen to guitar improv I want to sing. Release words and allow my spirit to soar. I want to play in a band...to jam...to play the bass...because chicks that play bass are sweetass. Marriage scares the living shit out of me. Love, the hard parts of two people getting to know one another and seeing everything scares me. It's so messy...and so beautiful. We watched CLOSER last night and again it hit me that reality is hard to look at. What do you forgive? When does it become okay to say enough and end things? When do you take the risk? Guided and directed is there still risk? YES. And my whole life I've been told a lie. Lies of what love looks like. Lies that still show their faces in relationships. And yet, we are called to move past this pain, these lies, the farce that it's not possible. Cause it has to be. Like I said the other day, I see it all of the time. I see possiblity, but sometimes just when the moments right, I see nothing but disgust. Tortured souls grasping the air for someone to love them. Doing anything and everything to obtain something that even represents it. This is part of my own heart and I don't want it. But this is true of most relationships. Not void to only marriage. I get the truth that people are scared. SOOOOOOOOOOO many of us have things inside of us that make us think only one option is out there...but can we love again? The answer is yes. The answer is always yes. We can love again. We have to work through our pain with honest loving people in our lives that remind us that we are wonderful. That we are loved. That pain is not the end. That life is out there and we can chose to grasp it or deny it. Make your choice. Mine, life. Mine, love. Mine, to support and love those that I can and play and skip and cry and die with. There aren't that many out there that will truly sit in the shit and joy of life with you. I have discovered at least 5....I am "the luckiest."