lookin' pa nhub....

in all the wrong places,
lookin'pa nhub in too many faces...

So yeah, here's the latest cats and chics.
I find myself in need oo almost a daily occurance to surrender. I believe it to be surrendering in the form of Love. What I mean by this is that right now, I am without very many people in my everyday life with whom I can be myself, all of myself and know that love me. I mean, I am loved deeply by the little ones and my sister and my brother and what not, but I find myself still wanting and I think I know why. I told a friend today some of what I was thinking.
As a child, I said, I read this book and in it there was this quote that has always stuck with me.
"I DO NOT NEED TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE,
I JUST WANT TO BE SOMETHING TO SOMEONE."
Now, in knowing myself and the nature of my soul, I am inclined to believe that there
is something inside of me that's running on empty. My desire to be something to someone is not bad, it's only misdirected. I am fed daily with compliments and offers of things that are not worth mentioning often hearing. This doesn't fill my tank. I look to phone conversations to give me a refueling...and they do for awhile. But what I am talking about is that sense that, yes Kristen, today you are loved. And to talk about it makes it so worth wild. I sit and am immediatley reminded and filled by the presence of the Holy Spirit that I am. I am truely, deeply and seriously loved. I mean everything to the trinity. And I can rest in that.
The other thing is this...And this is a rant...and a rage for just a minute. PEOPLE SUCK.
I am sick and dog garn tired of always having to be the one that puts forth effort in the communication realm. I know people are busy. I am busy too. And I don't mean to be all high noseing people. I suck too...BUT, I think when my tanks empty and I feel like people just suck...then I add fuel to the fire of people's suckedness. I cannot rely on others to fill my tank. And so...that's the end of that rave. That rant wasn't very long lived. Love it!
Tonight I will be bartending again. It's Tuesday but it's my Thursday and my dad comes into town tonight! Mark and his friend Paul should be stopping by. Mark is my new friend...he's 6'8" and from Florida by way of California by way of Vegas by way of Montana. The other night I went out driving with him to see the Valley at night and stars galour. It was butt cold, but I saw some really cool trees, some awesome stars and had a lot of fun getting to just hang. Got home at 5:30 in the morning. Then the next night, I went 4x4ing with George, Lamont and Jimmy at 3:00-5:30 AM. We took their jeeps up the mountain to show me the opposite side of the valley and the stars were even better up there. I cannot even begin to paint for you the beauty of the sky up here. My mom was in town this past weekend and we celebrated Michael's 4th birthday! It was great having her and we all had a good time.
I must be off to feed the kitty's that I'm house sitting for and then to make some cards before work. To all the bloggers I've loved before...know you are missed and loved by this woman...

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UPDATE: I just read this blog by my friend Eve and it was so exactly what I needed to hear.