a diddy

about a girl, me that is, that has a tendancy to not post very often. Perhaps it's my world that is busy so often.
Yes, my world is busy. And I make it that way because I have many passions. I think it may always be this way. What I know my life is though, is more balanced. How do I know this? Lately, I am talking in ways I never have before. But, not just talking, DOING. Taking steps towards creating my future. Making choices that are the right choices. And swimming. Swimming in the river that is Life. Change is becoming more of a thing I respond to rather than react to. I don't know how the saying goes, but I know my life is starting to reflect it. And it feels really good. Moving forward. The interview I had this morning, David being in town, the conversations I'm having these days all lead me to this conclusion. And I beleive as I have said in the past it's one of those mountain top experiences. But, this time, it's not really a mountain top. I haven't climbed some big peak lately. I guess it's more of understanding the daily struggle of climbing.

Shoes are important.

When I think about what I am seeing, I get metaphors in my brain like "shoes are important" and I'm not sure I can put them on paper, or explain them yet to the blog world.
ie: Climbing mountains with hills and valleys and faces and lakes=life. The adventure. And this one isn't mine, but it makes more sense to me than it ever has. It's like the beautiful book, "Hinds feet on high places". I see things differently now than I used to. I feel more balanced. And I still make a lot of mistakes. I used to think that this disqualified me, or at least it did until I made amends. But thank you "Finding Nemo" for the saying, just keep swimming. It takes on a whole new idea in this brain. It takes on the idea that:
daily we are made new
The onion has another layer
We will not arrive.
it's about the journey not the destination
balance.
chop wood carry water
ebb and flow

I have learned, and heard and been taught by people that are remarkable these lessons in one form or another. And I pray that I will forever keep the fire glowing. That I will as the song says, "pass it on(Pez I miss you)."

And there have been moments, where I have questioned where my passion has gone. Because, I have wondered, does everyone have to be a fanatic? Does passion = total devotion. I guess, there's a lot going on in my brain as I think through all of these things and you blog world get a glimpse. I believe, man you can have both. I think in my younger years, due in part to my ADHD, passion meant giving your all. Everything you had. I wrote about this one day after Nancy Ortberg preached an amazing sermon on "All OR Nothing Mentality." She said something along the lines of, if you are an all or nothing person, more often than not, it's nothing that you'll end up giving.

Ever since I was 19, I have said I wanted to be known as a person of integrity. That my yes meant yes and my no, no. This became my life goal. And it is because I have trouble in this area. As I grow up though, I see that these two themes kind of run a similar path. "Simply, allowing your yes to be yes and your no, no." Being a person who doesn't give all one day and nothing the next. Learning boundaries for thine own self and extending them to others. Respecting the boundaries another sets for themselves. Embracing who Kristen is. Not because someone wants her to be that person, or has put a definition of who she should be. Even breaking down the barriers of who I think I should be. But, acknowledgin who I am. I know this woman. I have gotten to know her well in the last 5 years. I look forward to getting to know her even better. But, also, with as much importance, observing the shaping of her through the loving arms of the trinity, the gracious hearts of friends and the iron tool they serve and the world in all of it's beauty.

I am today, so at peace that my soul wants to sing.

Even in the midst of chaos, of turmoil, my soul rejoices in this revelation. The ability to see change in my life. The gift of love.

So "to only my Maker, my Father, my Savior, Redeemer, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder...To only a God like you, do I give my praise."

Thank you and good day.