A deeper need than I have ever considered

I need counseling. I have deeply wounded places in my life that need healing and it can't come from just me or my friends or even my mentor. I need the healing power of my Jesus through the words and trust and wisdom of a trained therapist. I know Kate knows a good one, but she's in Omaha. I need one here, now.
I am understanding all too well the depths of depravity of my soul right now. There's darkness and hatred and ugly ugly shit down there. I took a deep dive into it last night as I made a horrible decision. One that is sending me into a deeper look at my need for counseling. To understand why I do the things I do...I understand them. I do not know how to change my behaviors. My choices. My woundedness is still out there.
I love power. I feed on it. I love feeling in control and throwing it over people. Enveloping them, making them do what I want, giving me what I need, pushing my agenda. So, today...I am not headed to Colorado due to buddy passes gone bad, but am going to call up some wise peeps and seek the necessary tools to begin a healing process. It's all up hill from here kids...but "Hind Feet" reminds me like I said in the last post..."Life is not about the destination, but the journey."