digging

During some digging today on the internet I ran a gammet of emotions. First, anger. Darin's Blog
You see, as I read his blog I realized all of the unresolved issues I have to work through with this man. Sufficive to say, reading his blog didn't help me move through anything. But I did enjoy reading about the irony of Shane being detained and about how we are becoming such the purple country. Reading about him made me wonder what Shane has been up to recently. It brought me joy and many questions. It's gotta be about the heart huh? That's what is most important. The heart issue. After reading I came to understand a little bit more of where my anger comes from, I cannot let go of the heart issues with Darin yet. And I cannot just take Shane and put him into a box that's labeled all things good cause I trust his heart. Nothing in life is all good or all bad. We are both. Always. And all these thoughts added to my confusion and lessened my anger. Later, I went to Doug Pagitt's blog and the thoughts and emotions ran crazy. LOTS to think about. I really enjoy Doug. He taught me a long time ago that we are onions not oranges. I appreciate his points of view even if I don't agree with all of them. I then came upon Michael Toy and really began missing conversations with my friend Nathan We used to go to this labyrinth together. He brought me there once to help me find peace. We used to dream of creating a resting place for people to come to receive. Dreamed of building a huge labyrinth. With Kate. A place of rest! Member Kate? Oh...We used to go to this monastary outside of Omaha and walk and sit and worship and enjoy the mystical side of our faith. The retreat Michael Toy speaks of that he would plan is something like Nathan and I would have planned. I miss him. And his wife. Can all the people I love just gather in one place so that I can be happy? Such selfish wishes. This is who would be on the list.

Pez
Bry
Jen
Vivi
Pope
Rach
JILLY
JOELY
Travis
Michelle
Jimmy
Jim Smelser
Steph and Steve
Eric Case
Brandon and Beki
Megan
Erin Dunn
Kristen and Craig
Craig my new friend
Bobbi and Harper
Kristine and Mark
Sara and Todd
Will McCraw
Matthew Rippley
The Parman Family
T
Ma
Hoser
Bon Bon
Sue Higgins
Jay
Jay's Mom
My Thursday night regulars
Todd
Rachel
Jason
Matty
Matty
Greg
Jeremiah
Mike and Martha
Andy and Kirsten
ANNA TAYLOR
Mama G
Stash
Grandma and the martinilli's
Ryan Nikolich
Moley Joely
Joe Kirchmeyer
Chris Olken
Sara Trommer
Mike and Dave Olson
MENGELHEARDT and TANGLEHEARDT
SCOTTY
Ryan Trommer
Becki and Chad
Ashby
Ginger
Steve and Lliane
Kate
JD
Roby
Bradly
SARA
Geoff
Nathan
Kelly
Dorothy
Nathan
Jill
Beth
Dad
Audrey
cousin sara
cousin steve
G&G
Marilyn
Mrs. Jane and Mr. Mike
Meggy
Andrew
Jill
Robyn
Frank
Brandon
Angel
Mugs
Cliff
Joshy
Chris
Tim
Meegs
Rusty and MaryHelen
Eric
Marin
Kate
Mike
Michael
Robert
Nicky
Noo Noo
HP
Steve B.
Shooter
Jared
Sara Worley
Jake
Corey H
Aunt Nancy
Uncle Jimmy
The family in NM
Kim Luitzski
Chuckels
Hil and Josh
Frazier
Ann Healing

That's an exhaustive list that doesn't even come close to being finished. And I don't think all of them would be invited to the retreat. Just to my party. Oh my poor parents and my future wedding. Well, that's what you get with a WOO/high E! That's me...