How I act...

I am a 27 year old female who often acts 17. And 7. And even 4. The ages look something like this.

If I don't get my way...
17: I begin by putting into play the manipulative tactics of the gorgeous, flirty, totally confident Kristen. The one who really has not a care in the world other than having fun and being on top. The young woman who debates very well and powers over people like they are yesterdays trash.
BUT... if that doesn't work uh oh...here comes the 7 year old. The sweet innocent angel faced Krissy who can sweep you off your feet into her arms and wrap you around her little finger with one look. Tears usually find their way into this stage and when those baby blues fill with water, it's amazing the affect.
4: This age is where it gets ugly (well they all have their fair share of ugliness.)I revert all the way back to when temper tantrums were a reality. I throw down my fists into the carpet and stick out my bottom lip as far as it will go, spilling over my face like Victoria Falls. I kick. I scream. I get really loud. I make a fool out of myself and I usually don't get my way. ESPECIALLY when visually I am not in the 4 year old's body, but a full grown woman's body. I find it almost comical now, as I write about it, but when the 4 year old comes forth, it's not as funny.

HOWEVER...As I grow, as I am digging, I am discovering how to not revert back to these ages. I am discovering how to not manipulate, but speak truthfully and work through issues. I am being stretched to not use my beauty as a weapon and how to appreciate it all at the same time. I am starting to grasp the concepts of healthy emotions vs. emotional abuse. I am looking long and hard in the mirror and speaking to the part of me that wants what she wants when she wants it and teaching her patience, Slowly. And I am learning to trust the ONE who speaks to my heart about being a healthy adult: a whole person.


And I would like to apologize. To all of you who have met and loved and hated and seen each of my beautifully ugly ages...I'm sorry. For manipulating you or using my beauty on the outside or inside as a weapon against you. For my tears that were abusive. For my tantrums and my lip and my loud power over you voice. For my actions I am sorry.

And I am greatful. For the patience of my friends to let me discover myself. For love and affirmation of my growing health. For truth in hard places. For grace when I don't deserve it. For boundaries in healthy relationships. For being 17 and 7 and 4 yourselves in unique simple ways. And, for God who resides in us all no matter if we understand or know or acknowledge him/her.

And it goes on and on and on and on...