the uncertainty that comes with being an adult

taking care of your heart as an adult can be a job and a half.
it's so different than diving in head first not knowing if the water is safe or if there's water at all.
it's boring at times...and yet when you remember all the shit you put yourself through instead of being true to your own self enough to check the water first, boring doesn't matter.
it's safer. it's beautiful in ways that are hard to speak of because I know so little about it right now.
I can write and write and write on the topic of co-dependecy and lust and infatuation, but when it comes to rational good healthy relationships I am wordless.
How can it be that this transformation looks and tastes and feels so abnormal but is so right.

Things change.
and people change with them.

dating him was a gift.
no more.
no less.

and now it's over.