12/7/06

This weekend my maternal grandparents are going to be celebrating their 80th birthdays in Tuscon, Arizona. Kate, Toby, Josh, Mom, Logan and I are all attending and I am looking very much forward to seeing them and their new home. We also will be celebrating the life of my Uncle Timmy with a memorial service.
Today, I am flushed with emotion. My Daddy wrote a beautiful letter expressing his memories on my uncle and it made me greatful and sad. My friend Joe came into the brewery and due to the undeniable fact that he is a counselor through and through, I opened up to him and shared how sad it is that my uncle's life was partially wasted by drugs and alcohol.
A good friend from Chicago shared with me that her uncle is in rehab and I pray that he is one of the few that is able to live a life of sobrity. But I'd like to try to give tribute to my uncle here.

Uncle Tim.
My crazy Uncle Timmy. He was always full of energy. He called me my family's nickname more than anyone else in my family. And he had a way of saying it that made you feel special. I always felt special to my Uncle Tim. He was so much fun growing up. He had the cool houses with a hot tub, dogs that used to shake their tails at us with such fervor that as a kid you'd almost get knocked out. TKO right there on the living room floor. He made my dad laugh and my mom feel beautiful. My favorite memories of him are when we went to his house in California and he taught Kate to drive his truck. He let us sleep on the roof of the garage and we shot koyotes all night long with a bb gun. He taught me how to do a back flip in his pool. Toby and I spent all day long trying and trying until we mastered the back flip. And to this day, I can do one! That trip he also gave me prunes because I ate 5 pieces of toast for breakfast and he said I might later have some problems(hee hee). He laughed a lot with this snicker. It's crazy how sometimes you just want to hear a noise again so badly it hurts. That laugh would be nice to hear again.
As an adult, Uncle Tim was different. I couldn't look at him with the innocent nievity I once did. Due to the amount of drug useage, he was behind. His ability to understand more advanced things wasn't there. He talked to Toby and I about computers and they were way out of his league. They, the "they" we all use when we don't know who "they" truley are; say that when you start using drugs at an early age, that can be where you stop maturing in some ways. That's what it felt like I realized when I last visited him. He was still wanting to play around like Toby and I were doing. The difference was that we were 22-25 not 50 something. That's the sad part of this to me. My uncle spent his life longing for something that he never found. I hope he has found it now. I pray he is at peace finally. No more pain, tears or hurt.

All of this makes me desperate to understand, although I can't get a full understanding, of the how's and why's. Why is alcohol so powerful? It makes me often question my professions. Bartending and making beer. I know that things aren't evil in and of themselves but can turn that way with people who abuse them. I feel like I need to definetly go to a Alanon meeting when I get back. It's about time to re-read my books and information. back to the basics.

John Timothy Muse, Uncle Timmy, I love you.