I'm in need

of sleep because tomorrow will be a long day.
of an ear because I am in deseperate need to process.
to as my friend Eve says, "give it to Jesus."
of a transfer.
of a bank closer to home.

And the funny thing is that I just sat here for 2 minutes trying what to write next, because I was shaming myself into thinking that I'm ridiculous for stating my needs online for a bunch of people. But I choose to write for me. For my heart's sake. To get out what's inside.
I didn't get to the funeral. Work kept me late and I desire for a life where work doesn't always lead my actions.
I need to mourn. Not the loss of someone close to me, but the loss of two young lives. It makes me incredibly sad. I have such mixed emotions. Partly because death is sad in many ways. I will not talk myself out of thinking it's not. I think it is.
It depends on how you think about it. Well today, I am beat up and tired. Something inside of me is very sad. It's March.
It will be in 9 years since Kate died. WOW. Seems like I was working through that pain yesterday. March is always a very very hard month for me. Sounds silly but I am hoping that I'm PMS'ing on top of all of this, because it would explain some of the crazy emotion spilling out of me. And this shame, where is all of it coming from?
Run to Jesus...and live. Father I throw myself into your arms tonight knowing it's the best place ever. I can see them singing now..."better is one day in your courts, better is one day in your house, better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."
Ellen, Drunk loud guy who used to fall asleep, Larry, Tall black dude I cannot remember his name and it's killing me, Renard(?), Dixie, Dorothy, Sharon, nathan and Kelly, Kameron, John john, Eric, Neigh, Eric, Todd, Jill, Kate, Nathan, D and Meegs, Dan, John, Mike, Angela.
And then a totally different group of kids
Katelynn, Stephy, Val, Jen, Chrissy, Mugs, Beth, Jen D'Alexander, Kathy and Steve, Roby
Shoot that was a crazy memory trip. Songs will do that to you. I have to go to bed now. It's midnight and I have to be up in 4 hours. Shiza. Good night......